


aftermath

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Arguments, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal threats, cited real text messages for this shit, i guess, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:34:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23251765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: "and now, the whitette shakes violently, a shiver he can’t scare away. the world shifts behind his eyes, and all he can see is the dark places in the bedroom (his childhood home). words become static, part of a vinyl that he can’t stop, spinning and spinning even when he hates the music. he thinks he may throw up.it’s been three hours and he hasn’t stopped crying."(or, nagito yells at hajime during an episode and now has to deal with the aftermath.)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 3
Kudos: 235





	aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> this is triggering. your health is more important than this. 
> 
> reach out to someone if you need help. some people will go through hell and back to help you.

_ his world crumbles _

“i will always listen,” his boyfriend says, the glow of moonlight only making the shadows in his face lonelier. “and you didn’t hurt me.” he reaches and grabs his hands, kisses the pale skin stretched out over bone, releasing the tension in his knuckles. it only transfers to his shoulders, making his head pound as the brunette showers him in love. “i’ll stay up with you,” he promises for the twelfth time, “until you fall asleep.”

hajime has always been more than he deserves.

earlier, before the storm, hajime had gotten him white tea, eating kusamochi as he watched him sip the light liquid. “you’re beautiful, y’know that?” he didn’t look up even as his hands shook around the teacup. he felt like nothing (he didn’t  _ feel  _ nothing-- an important distinction) but his boyfriend just continued, “you’re so beautiful.”

and now, the whitette shakes violently, a shiver he can’t scare away. the world shifts behind his eyes, and all he can see is the dark places in the bedroom (his childhood home). words become static, part of a vinyl that he can’t stop, spinning and spinning even when he hates the music. he thinks he may throw up. 

it’s been three hours and he hasn’t stopped crying.

“babe, listen to me.” hajime wraps his arms around his body, holding him even as he squirms to get away. he wants to disappear-- the feeling around him keeps him trapped and he wishes, then, that he was dead. “this was going to happen,” he just sobs harder. “i’m glad it was with me, because i know how to handle it.”

_ i hurt him, _

_ and the others called me his problem _

his fingernails tear at the other’s strong arms, self-destructing for the seventh time that night. he’s scared he may be too tired to survive the eighth. “no-” his voice is scratchy and ugly, reminding him of the times his friend asked him to sing and he  _ did.  _ “no, i-it’s n-not- i-”

“hey. it’s alright,” his voice is smooth. soft. it makes him anxious that hajime will fade into the gentle light he mimics. “i’m not hurt. i’m not upset.” he kisses his lover’s temple, mumbling against the head that throbs. “you needed to break. it would have hurt you worse otherwise.” his words are almost believable.

_ “does that make you panic, hinata-kun?” _

_ “set down the knife, nagito.” _

_ “does this make your dick hard? a reserve trying to save me, is that good for your ego?” _

_ “set down the knife.” _

_ “what are you going to do? call the cops?” _

_ “i will in a heartbeat.” _

“talk to me,” hajime says, barely pleading. “you’re destroying yourself, lovely.”

he shakes his head, “this is m-my fault. it’s all my  _ f-fault _ .” he doesn’t know where hajime put the knife, but his fingers twitch without the weight of something in his hands. he knows that even if he begs, his boyfriend won’t give it back. he can’t do this, he can’t- “i-i can’t b-breathe.”

hajime’s hand grabs his and presses it against his heartbeat, steady. “listen to my heart, sweetheart, and try. count to ten. i’ll do it with you,” nagito shakes his head again and the other’s eyes harden. “please.”

_ “you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” _

_ “a shame, really. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” _

_ “SHUT UP, YOU  _ **_BASTARD_ ** _! I HATE YOU! I  _ HATE  _ YOU!” _

“i r-ruined  _ everything _ .” he cries, only getting held closer. “i can’t fix this. i-it wasn’t my l-luck, it was me, i-”

“you didn’t ruin anything. i’m still here, aren’t i?” hajime cups the whitette’s cheek with a warm hand, turning it around so the other can feel the cool metal against burning tears. “we got each other promise rings. i know i’m going to marry you someday. this is your trauma, not you. you’ve been there for me when i wake up with nightmares, did you think i would leave you alone? i love you more than anything. and i know you feel the same, so don’t apologize. lovely, i would do  _ anything _ so you could be happy.” he kisses nagito’s eyelids, making him cry harder. he’s so exhausted from sobbing, from breaking, from being alive. he wishes, more than ever, that he could be dead. 

_ i feel so empty. _

“i d-don’t know what to d-do.” 

“you don’t have to do anything right now except breathe and listen to me. the world can wait.” he tucks a lock of white hair behind his ear and leans forward to kiss it. “it’s two am, baby. do you want to sleep? i’ll stay up with you, so even if you have nightmares, i’ll be here.”

he looks behind hajime. the window is slightly cracked open, and it makes him want to escape. he closes his eyes. “don’t w-want to sleep.”

“of course.” the brunette’s hand runs through his matted, unwashed hair. “i’ll talk to you. or i can be quiet, if that’s better.”

_ “what are five things you-” _

_ “shut the fuck up.” _

_ “sorry.” _

“please talk. i c-can’t-” 

“shhh, shhh, hey. i understand.” he pulls the albino so his head rests against hajime’s chest. he tangles their legs together as an afterthought, keeping him so close. it made nagito feel safe, but even guiltier. “i read this book the other day, i think you’ll like it, it’s set in…”

nagito tunes out, breathing deeply as his tears fall away. underneath the fabric covering his heart, hajime has scars from his past. he’s called the cops on his friends before and nagito knows that. he had used everything he could against the other to try and drive him away, but hajime never left. what will happen if he does this again? will hajime finally leave? it makes him panic, the idea of existing without him, a world ten minutes ahead while nagito falls behind. it makes him so scared, but,

_ i survived. _

the flashback is over. the breakdown is over. the fighting is over. and yet, even though he should be happier,

he feels worse in this aftermath. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the vent; i know you guys shouldn't care about me whining over my own mistakes. sorry if you do.


End file.
